Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
