you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
