Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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