i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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