I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
