I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
