just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
