you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
