What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
