I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
