what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
