I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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