shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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