I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
