my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize