So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
