Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
