I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
