Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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