Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The struggles of a small town man whore
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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