You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize