Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
