I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
