I just cut my nipple shaving
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
