considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
