Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we're chasing vodka with high fives
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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