Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
