I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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