You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize