how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
