you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
