also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
