booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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