I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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