My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
