she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize