apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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