Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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