i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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