it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
