Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
