Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
