6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
