if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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