I got chris browned last night
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
