You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
