Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I believe in your delicious
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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