So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
