I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
