I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize