i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
