you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
