the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
