I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
