well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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