You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
