They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
