Buhtt sex?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize