i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
