Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
