Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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