Tell her she can't have a vagina
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize