Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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