Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
