My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
