There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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