I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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