And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What drink are we having for lunch?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
