At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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