I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize