Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
