Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
