Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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