hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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