The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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